mercury retrograde

How To Use To Navigate Retrogrades and Other Things

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So, I was just about to do a write up on Uranus retrograde when I realized I hadn’t fully addressed one of the most common questions I get: Man, these blog posts, I get that they’re general but how do I drill the data down as it applies to me? 

You know how you’re scrolling through your timeline and you’re like, “Oh, look at that. Mercury’s about to fucking retrograde again. DAMMIT.” and you think, “Well, here comes the tech issues and the assholery”? Sometimes, the blog posts and articles outline the different aspects and other influences- but usually, we leave out a critical piece of information, in this case:

How to find where Mercury will be taking a giant shit on your life, using your natal chart:

Okay, let me dial that back a bit, because I think anyone who’s familiar with me knows, I don’t believe that. I’m a little less amused by it in recent years than I used to be when someone uses Mercury retrograde to excuse crap behavior and avert personal responsibility: but, the reason I am less amused is, I’m pretty sure the bulk of people believing this have actually made it so. Sort of a mass hypnosis thing, by way of bad, hysterical marketing.

And frankly, whereas many people know about Mercury retrograde and will “AAAAAAGGGH!” but I never did: oh, I did and do with Saturn and Uranus.

Oh, yes. If you didn’t know- other planets do in fact retrograde and they simply haven’t been latched onto by marketing departments. Anyone else find it more than a little ironic that this particular planetary retrograde involves communication and has been firmly co-opped by one of the industries that have seriously screwed up the way people communicate? Hell, given they’re always trying to sell SOMETHING, you’d think they’d have latched onto Venus retrograde a bit more, but…

Boy, I better stop. That’s a rant for another time.

So, the thing of it is, you’re probably not going to find a whole lot of information out there in terms of making it easier to do your own chart. Of course, there are countless blogs about learning astrology- but, typically, you probably know: you are better served going to a professional. Still, some of these professionals write in such a convoluted way that it’s pretty obvious it’s all “See? I am totally helpful giving you this weirdly detailed amount of information that you will in fact, look at, cross your eyes and then hire me anyway. After all, am I not helpful, confusing the shit out of you?”

Make no mistake: I would love it if you hired me, but, being as I am frequently digging in the couch cushions for change towards the end of the month- I also know: we are in fact, a luxury item. I hope to somewhat make things more accessible. That’s the plan, anyhow. It is true- hiring an experienced astrologer is definitely the way to go, and since I did use Uranus retrograde, you’ll see why in a minute. Sort of. I do not want to show you on the chart where Uranus retrograde touched me. No. Not today. (If you’re into this stuff, you’ll see it anyway.)

So, Mercury retrograde rant aside- we know we’ve got Uranus retrograde coming up on the 3rd of August. Now, how do you find where it is for you natally? What about currently? Transit ….progressed…oh god, Victoria, I AM SO OVERWHELMED. TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I’m gonna go eat tacos, now.

I’m not making fun of you. That’s how I think more often than not, actually.

First, I want you to head on over to but, I am going to rant just a minute about astrology software, too.

True story- myself and loads of others started out using to work with charts and otherwise before we bought our astrology programs. I won’t name names, but, I’m also not going to pretend otherwise. Some people were using Astrowin-

And you’re only supposed to use that as a free resource, not as a professional astrologer getting paid to do this. But…

That’s some sleazy shit right there. Big huge disclaimer: the site itself says don’t use this to make money and yet they do anyway? Yuck, man. Yuck. My parents taught me stealing was wrong, what can I say?

The first actually decent software that I used was SolarFire, but now I use Sirius. If you’re interested in getting your hands on some astrology software and I recommend that you do- check out Hank Friedman’s site:

Before we go there, however, here’s my rant: the use of astrology software has a tendency to make people lazy. When I first learned how to draft a chart, slide rule, compass, really, seriously bitchy old lady practically whapping me on the back of the head. That sounds awful but the fact is, over the years I have encountered many, many, many would-be teachers- and she’s the bar that was set. I see a corner cutter or a fraud- and I run the other way. Red flags include use of “easy” or “fast”- this is a whole lot of information and it is neither easy nor is it fast. Do they also seem to be giving you some kind of math or geometry lesson? Oh, you may have a good one.

That, too, is another post for another time.

So, anyway- back to astro. Now you may note this site seems to have a lot of information: and this is why it’s awesome. It should. But, for now, I want you to go here:


And you’ll see something like this:


Since you’re here because you want to learn, I suggest you go on and set your profile up. It’s kinda snazzy, it’ll keep your charts all organized and neat as you go anyway.

Now, you’re going to key in your birth data and when you’re done, it’ll take you back to the page that lists your profiles and all that- at this point you can go see the neat little report and that will in fact, show you where your natal Uranus or other planets happen to be- see?
Scroll up, click on Free Horoscopes, Astroclick Portrait and there you go. If you click the planets, you’ll see a neat little write up about them.

Uranus looks like a TIE Fighter.
Okay, here- look at the little numbers around the middle there. Those are the houses. My natal Uranus is in the 1st house there. Now do you see it?


Where’s yours?

Okay, but what about transit and progressed Uranus? Back on up to the main menu here, then choose Extended Chart Selection-

Go to Chart Type and scroll down until you get to Transits, and then, you can either do Natal and Transits or Natal, Transits and Progressions Combined.

Put the date you want in there. Now, the next part you’ll see there, some people use their current location, some use their birth location- and they will bicker furiously about which is best. I usually use my current location, but, I don’t feel like it right now. So, click on Click Here To Show The Chart:

Tadaaaaa. Transits are in red and my transit Uranus for this retrograde’s in 5th house Pisces.

Oh, fantastic.

Where is your transit Uranus?

Now, to go from there, you need to understand- the sign is the what and the house is the where in your life but here’s the kicker- if you take a little peek there in your own chart, you might not know yet about whether or not it is transiting an aspect to a natal planet. This is where Uranus really stinks and is a little more complicated in interpreting than what I’ve shown here. In this- well, Uranus was a bit of a bad example too use but I was writing about it at the time, so it’s the one I went with.

However, the point of this particular blog post is to show you how to find where a planet is in your chart natally- and how you can find it in transit. I may talk a bit more about Uranus’s impact in a later post, but for now, take a minute to review your charts there. Since you know that we have a couple eclipses coming up, you might check where the Moon is for those dates and natally. Since you know Mercury retrograde is, as well, you can check that, too.

But, now you know how to do it.






Time to work on simplifying things…part 1

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So, in case you’re just joining us, I am an astrologer on a tear. I have already ranted about Saturn Retrograde and Mercury Retrograde– and if you click on those, you’ll find I cuss like a sailor, but, you’ll also find out what those cycles mean in your life. So, we know this, how do we ACTUALLY use it? Well, beyond what I already said about going inward- there are some mighty fine brass tacks involved: and the biggest area I see around me is with small businesses and blogs who are on wobbly legs with their social media. Don’t worry, our next post goes into more personal stuff- but, I get asked about this so often, I wanted to start here.

One of the very best ways you can actually use both the Saturn Retrograde AND the Mercury Retrograde cycles is in seeing those areas where you’re lagging a bit in terms of working smarter. I am a very good example of this- I am a hard worker and a perfectionist, but, lacking organization: just spinning my wheels and I knew it.  Retrogrades are a pain in the ass. Everyone knows it, particularly since Mercury retrograde gained marketing steam several years back.

Saturn retrograde? YAAARGH talk about having your butt handed to you! Let’s not even get into the Venus retrograde personal life stuff I am also dealing with- wheeeeeheeew. Retrogrades kinda suck- but, they can be the productive kind of challenges that you can use to change everything.

As a result, we now have two standard blog post types that come around each and every retrograde cycle. You get the marketing gurus who tell you a bunch of fluffy nonsense about manifestation and wishes that doesn’t work, looking like this:


Or you get the total doom and gloomers, looking like this:


But what a lot of people do not know- because, well, most of us do not have huge, expansive marketing budgets is…there is a third camp. And we kinda look at both extremes like this:



I am not talking about some cheesy manifestation thing or…even new age stuff, if you can believe that.

If you take a look at what these cycles mean, it gives you a great way to focus on specific and actionable concerns in your life- more powerful than any magic word you’ll ever find. (Though, I do believe the words we use consistently do impact our realities- we’ll get to that in another post.) Next week, I will be giving away worksheets to help you to streamline your retrograde plan of attack- so, make sure you sign up for our email list and when you do? I’ll send you a free Numerology report. Just like that. No spam, no bullshit, just all our content in your inbox and you’ll be getting exclusive stuff no one else ever gets to see.

If you’re a tarot reader or astrologer or psychic- or, if you run an online business, it’s likely you know how intimidating the entire process of social media marketing can be. There are a myriad of choices out there meant to help, yet, you sign up and *sad trombone*. Feeling me yet?

In my prior role at the gigantic Company I Cannot Name Legally- I learned a lot of marketing stuff. Most of it, was horrifyingly bad funnels that left people feeling confused and frustrated due to shoddy information and lack of actionable goals. I’m toeing the line there in terms of what I can say, but: I also dug in and learned a lot of useful stuff, from there, I took more marketing and business courses than I ever really wanted to, threw in my Bill Hicks opinion of the whole damn thing- which, by the way is not good and I became the Anti-Marketer. Do I still work with marketing teams? Oh you bet. But, you can also bet their ethics are sterling. We need more of that and less playing on insecurity to sell people shit they do not need that simply does not work. Where to begin?

The key is to automate as much as you can- but, how? So many options out there and I researched them all: until I discovered IFTT.
This is the easiest, most effective way to streamline your social shares I have found- and it doesn’t even require being on a marketing list or dealing with complex systems. Matter of fact, if you’ve ever looked at managing Instagram in particular- the process you have to go through for scheduling is tedious as all get out: so understand this is from the perspective of somebody who does not schedule Instagram posts- I post them organically and that’s where almost every visually based post I make begins. Take Jen’s Card of the Day for example- people just LOVE it over on Instagram and Jen doesn’t even have an account. Couple hashtags and you are good to go. If you happen to need to schedule your Instagram posts, for whatever reason- Buffer actually offers a great recipe for that, here. Obviously, you’d have to have Buffer to make that work: but, if you’re looking for a way to schedule posts, it’s definitely something you should look into, as well. I dislike third party scheduling and posting tools in general- but having researched pretty much all of them, Buffer is in my top 3 and is incredibly useful.

Let’s get you smoooooothe.


No, I cannot be hired for marketing help nor would I ever promote myself as such: the ONLY reason I am tossing some of these blogs into the mix is I’d love to see more New Age practioners take control of this dirty, flooded industry and flip it the hell over. Let’s throw in another gif for good measure- because we all know that THIS is the reality, right? Let’s work together to uplift one another and take out the zombie marketers.


Even if you aren’t in the new age industry- odds are, you know EXACTLY the sort I’m referring to. They are everywhere, they are prevalent: and they are predators who use people’s fears to drive them towards never ending funnels of sales that never, ever help. I should know, I helped make one company a hell of a lot of money just like that. We all fall into that trap, deeply looking for success and grabbing onto what looks like expertise. Til you find you are neck deep in unethical dookie and not sure how to fight it. I don’t recommend getting sued for defamation, I really do not. Even if you win, like I did: it’s a pain in the ass. But, you CAN make it right- by being right. First step: organize and automate your stuff.

Those Brass Tacks

(Please forgive my Lilith in the 10th house style use of my fall, but, it is a critical part of the story of my rise.)
I use If This Then That recipes and actually, I am setting up even more. Bear in mind- I am probably one of the most scatter brained people there is: which becomes quite the nightmare during Mercury retrograde. Right now, I just have a very simplified thing going- my Instagram automatically posts to Facebook, but, I use an IFTT recipe to then send native photos to Twitter.

Before I go into this, let me first tell you what this is. IFTT is a neat little tool that essentially, connects a couple of your social services to one another. It does this in a variety of ways- but essentially, it automates things by way of what you do via one social service, triggers an action at another. For instance, each morning I share Jen’s Card of the Day to IG, which connected to my Facebook, shares. But, then, IFTT shares it with the photo, to Twitter as a tweet.

You simply sign up for an account and then look through the recipes to figure out which best suits your needs. There are over 200 of them, and really, if you’re overwhelmed already- just stick to searching out those you know you need. I’ll give you a few of the ones I am looking at or working with, already.

You can use it with-


If you take a look around, you’ll also see there are recipes to trigger far, far more than social media. Unless you have actionable goals that involve certain things and a search brings those up- I’d steer clear during these retrograde cycles. No need cluttering yourself up with new things just yet, remember, you’re trying to simplify and make use of existing projects- so stick with what you’re working on and you should be just fine. I like to make a little list, search keywords pertaining to it- and go from there.

I don’t actually have any connection to any of the companies listed here, however, I do get questions from other tarot readers and astrologers all the time about marketing: so, I figured, I’d set this up. If you want to get started but you don’t know where the heck to begin because it’s all a bit much: simply start here to see what pops up.

For blogging tools, go here:
Productivity and Time Management? They’ve got you covered, too:

Have other issues? Why not try popping a keyword relating to it into the search and seeing for yourself how you can harness your creativity, automate some things and work smarter?

Hope this helps! If you’d like more information on how to utilize the retrograde cycles, astrology and divination as well as other awesome offers and information, please sign up for our email list. We do not spam, never have, never will- and your information is safe with us, we respect your privacy. Plus, sign up and we’ll give you a free numerology report! Just a little gift to you, for being so rad.

Motherfucking Mercury Retrograde

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Before I begin- you guys, I am testing out a new fundraising thing. If this has a good response- I will leave my prices on this and the donations on this as they stand for good. Not just for April, but for good. What this means for you is that you can get a basic natal report for $5, but it also means that some rescue pups and cats can get the food and care they need. It’s really a win win, so please CLICK THIS LINK to check that out.

So, I already went into Saturn’s Retrograde station this year, which…one would think the Lord of Karma would get a bit more fear and awe than little ol’ Mercury, but no, marketers latched onto a planet that has not one massive karmic DUMP once a year- to one that hits 3-4 times a year. So, now, we have a shitload of this happening, every time the announcement of Motherfucking Mercury Retrograde comes out.



My use of “motherfucking” here is totally tongue in cheek, if you couldn’t tell. I wrote a fairly popular Mercury retrograde guide, which, I made the mistake of putting up on Amazon. It was, frankly, decent cigarette money each month and when I totaled up the sales I realized my biggest Mercury retrograde lessons for that year were: Do not put your work on Amazon.

I seriously stopped writing the little blurb about retrograde being an optical illusion- jesus tits, if I wanna put some filler shit in my blog I’ll just rant a bit more. About Amazon taking all my money. Anyway. Let’s have a looksee, here.

So, right now, you’re probably going, “The heck, Tori? Why do you have all that extra crap in there?”

And it’s a valid question, really. Here’s one of those things you should probably get on with a quickness- simplify some things. I have it on there because I look at certain things due to a personal affinity to said things. Let’s look again:

There we go. Now we can move forward, uncluttered, to look at the actual issues. Oh fantastic, more love and money problems. You probably should have guessed- this is a theme. Thing is, this is in Taurus and guess what planet rules Taurus? Venus.

This would be why I started out this series by encouraging you to look inward. ‘Cause boy howdy, your own head and heart isn’t right- your love life and your wallet will be a hot mess. And so it goes.

Let me begin by explaining transiting Mercury retrograde- this happens 3 or 4 times a year and usually drags on for 24 days. Again, just one part of a bigger cycle- wherein Mercury stations direct, then retrograde, then direct again- same degrees, enters and exits retrograde zones. Pre-shadow’s like a little peek into what you can expect, and the post-shadow is where you can continue to address some things. Funny how that shakes out.

You probably already know it’s communication related. I make all sorts of Queen jokes for the obvious reason but, Led Zeppelin’s probably more appropriate- especially for this one.

Your nerves might be jangled, you may experience crappy travel stuff, you could lose some things, and tech can go haywire. Worse than all of that, you might start thinking about the ex or the past- or EVEN WORSE, you might actually get a real life visit from that ghost from your past.

Generally it’s a bad idea to commit to anything during Mercury Retrograde and you should be a bit more mindful of your words. Discovering how limber you are because while your foot’s in your mouth, your head is also up your ass is kind of common.

Just the basic facts- can you show me where it hurts?

Let’s take it back to Mercury moving into Taurus from Aries. That may have been kind of a balm considering Mercury in Aries was like blabbermouth city. From the end of March until now, it may have felt like some of those ideas you have- really did have staying power, but…maybe, just maybe you felt those rumbles of doubt starting to ripple through. Odd little nagging what if’s and anxiety.

Mercury in Taurus is ALL about Keep It Simple Stupid and if you happen to be an overthinker, this may be a time when you start to pare down the plan to something more workable. So why the nagging little doubts and anxiety? Because Mercury actually moved into that pre-retrograde zone on March 21st- so, the more convoluted shit began to eat at your core there and again, we have the whole “Good intentions paving the way to hell” thing- because, well, you can mean well all you like but if the plan’s all wonkadoo and crazy elaborate, it’s still going to get a wrench or two thrown into it. Purely by virtue of more places to stick that sucker.

Worse, Taurus being a fixed sign, some of those ideas you had might have just gotten a Hulk Smash- which can also cause considerable issues with your confidence levels. You might have found yourself- or you find yourself in a position where no compromise is there to be had and it may not seem like there are a whole lot of options.

With Mercury stationing retrograde on the 9th, this may get amped up just a bit more and you may find that the answers you’re looking for are slow in coming, unless the answer is “No.” That one seems to be pretty abrupt in a lot of cases- but this is a good thing. There is almost always a good reason for it- whether you see it now or not and it will shake out: just wait. Anyone who has ever dated a Taurus, raise your hand if you’ve been late to pretty much every freaking thing. Think about it a minute. Still, Taurus has some really awesome qualities and you’ll find that the time this is shaking out in that sign is a bit of a breather though it may seem like a roadblock. You will find that though yep, a few of those ideas were crap- the ones that are not have a way of showing through the cracks of your broken dreams there and offering a hell of a lot more hope and potential for long term results.

The T Square Make or Break

You might be feeling like the world’s on your shoulders and you need to make big big choices right freaking now. Odds are pretty good you do not- and in those cases where you absolutely must: you had best check yourself before you wreck yourself because if you find yourself being tempted towards making nasty threats at people or attempting to control people because your ego is boo hooing over a thorn in its paw: oh honey. Don’t. You see, big thing here is the Sun is opposite Jupiter in this thing and this can be AMAZING. You could have some cherry opportunities nibble at you and be feeling pretty good- but, you get all high and mighty, go full on prima donna and those shots slip through your fingers. Not only that, you’ll likely encounter some kind of embarrassing situation as the Universe is like “Uh, sit the fuck down.”

Don’t be greedy, do not get all power hungry or jealous and petty and do not resort to shady behaviors to get your way. You might be thinking all dog eat dog, but in the end, you’re the one going to the pound if you do. You may also be dealing with people like that and the temptation to stoop to that level can happen- but, resist it. It may suck and it may feel like they’re “getting away with it” but, they’re not.

Oh, look at the Moon

Okay, so, you look at the T square and if Saturn’s not already slapping your ego ass- this one probably will. Like I said, I am not one for doom and gloom but when it comes to fevered egos- I don’t mind saying: please, for the love of fucking everything, just stop.
The biggest aspect you’ll find in this retrograde’s actually one you may have never even heard of- a quincunx.

Typically, a quincunx is challenging because the planets involved are kind of “What the hell?” at each other- different modalities, different elements and it can be pretty hard to find a middle ground. This one is the Moon and Mercury- which, can make for…oh lemme bust out some more Zeppelin.

Before I REALLY get into this, let me mention again the Venus stuff at play here: until the 15th, Venus is still retrograde. It’s also square Saturn, retrograde. Throw in the Mercury retrograde with this as the big factor and you’ve got a recipe for possibly feeling the bite of those choices you made- or didn’t make in the past. Confusion and a lack of clarity meet this freakish feeling of fate at play- and you might do something really stupid if you don’t pull back. So, pull back.

With this quincunx it’s going to feel like your brain and your heart are at war- and who has the answer here? Neither one. You need to pull back from the emotions- but not do so with such staunch intellectualism that you forget your heart entirely. Looking at neither hot nor cold- stick with warm for now. This holds much more true for situations where you are emotionally entangled- you will be more likely to make an emotionally based decision and not thinking clearly: which isn’t a great idea.
Putting it all together with everything else- balance may be hard won, but, you need to strive to win it in all things. Believe me, once Mercury stations direct in Aries: the time for taking risks is going to come and toss in a conjunct Uranus at this time, but also several very pleasant trines: it’s okay to not decide for now. It’s okay not to act for now. Even if you are feeling very impatient because you’re nervous, you’re afraid because you cannot control the outcome: take a peek at that whole motivation to “control the outcome” and it should give you plenty of internal work to keep you distracted from the external for now. And it needs to happen, because, while typically I would write out the part about the direct station: that’s so good I’m going to have to do a whole stand alone post about it. So, as usual: mind your ps and qs, slow down, reflect and by the time this is over: you’ll have a much more hopeful path ahead. Let’s close with an ironic, albeit ENTIRELY appropriate one:

On Positivism, New Age Gaslighting, Retrogrades and Realism-

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You guys…let’s have a serious discussion about what planetary retrograde cycles REALLY mean. Couple warnings: first, I am probably going to say “shit” a lot. Okay, not probably, I am. Second, this is going to be kinda long. Third- someone asked if I could talk about these retrogrades without muddying it up with a bunch of “astro speak” and you know what? I’m gonna give it a whirl, but I will have to explain a little: you wanna know how to deal with all the retrogrades in motion and the ones that are coming up? Well, here we go. Before we begin do understand again: while this is “in a general sense”, you take a look at your own transits and you’ll get a much more direct picture of everything. If you ARE familiar- read between my lines, baby. Read between ’em. 😉 It’s intentional, all of it.

And as I do this, I am going to cite some examples both in the positive and in the negative, here. Because, first off- the panic shit, the excuses shit, it IS shit. (And boy howdy, you’d think a fucking Saturn influence would have people sort of shying away from that kinda thing- but, oh, it don’t be like that, do it?) But also, the pretense of “Everything is sunshine and giggles, let’s use these retrogrades to MANIFEEEEEST and fart golden rainbows”- is also shit. Because the way we look at manifestation, across the board in the new age community- is, well, by and large, shit.

The idea that it all is gonna dump on you on a certain day- also, shit. CYCLES. Full charts. Loads more stuff going on- both in general and as it applies to your own personal chart. The idea that some of these things are rare- marketing shit. Seriously, big time marketing shit and I understand fully well falling for it hook, line and sinker: I did so myself one year and Mr. Duvendack there was like “Uh, no, no…listen.” it happens to all of us, so don’t feel bad if some marketing asshole has you feeling like shit is ate up and the apocalypse is NIGH but if you JUST BUY THEIR CRAP, you can start crapping golden bricks and meet your soulmate. They get paid to make you feel insecure so you will buy more crap. That’s their job and most of them have a whooooole lotta training to do it.

Should you feel insecure?



Because you have some shit you need to deal with and change. You need to review that, and do a bit of course correcting. Is that a panic button, holy shit ya’ll hire me NOW! Statement?

Abso-freaking-lutely not. Wanna hear some SERIOUSLY Saturn shit?

I am a luxury item. Granted, I am like the best contouring kit on the market, I am like that gel eyeliner that just flips the wings out perfectly- but a luxury item nonetheless. Any tarot reader, psychic, astrologer or otherwise: IS.
(Alright maybe my Venus was peeking out there a bit, too. What?)

You are also a luxury item to most and a need to others- and it might be time you acted like it, and we’ll get to that in a minute. Doesn’t matter who you are or what you do for a living- you’re probably somebody’s luxury. You should price yourself that way.

What have we got going on, retrograde wise?

Well, Venus and Jupiter have been doing the retrograde thing respectively since freaking JANUARY and NOVEMBER OF FREAKING 2016.

“Buh whu?” Cycles. And they do this a lot- every freaking year, in fact. Jupiter takes about 12 years to do his journey ‘round the Sun and Venus takes 225 days- BUT, Jupiter stations retrograde and goes through that cycle every year and Venus does it just about every year- give a few months, because instead of around every 12 months, she dosey does into backwards motion every 18 months. Venus stations direct on April 15th but you won’t fully be out of the woods until May 18th. If you were in the woods at all, in the first place. Jupiter, well, that one stations direct June 9th and fully completes the cycle on September 6th. Mercury does it 3-4 times a freaking year, because Mercury is FAST. Saturn every year. Uranus every year. I could go on- but, notice anything?

Patterns, man, it’s patterns. Cycles- and as they have cycles, you do, too.

How do you know what it is you’re gonna get whanged with, exactly, in advance? Find out where that planet’s transiting in your chart. You can go deeper if you know how, but, figure out where it’s at, you get a general idea of what you need to do.

I am not going to go into my full story here, but: the past few years, starting with my entire life going all to shit and back for what seemed like the millionth time- I was like “Alright, I have had enough of this bullshit!” and, I started paying attention. I started addressing what needed addressing- and, a lot of people will make it seem like this is an easy thing: I am NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. A lot of it sucks. Planetary retrogrades are sort of..well, they’re reminders of where things suck and what happens, as you work on that- and this, I can tell you from experience: every cycle, these things suck less. And less.

Do they enable you to manifest your dreams into reality? NOPE. You do.

I am so far from where I want to be- but at the same time, I can say that I went from nearly homeless to this really freaking strange, and I mean, like “WHOAH” level of “charmed existence” type stuff wherein, I started to notice something: I have cycles of that very thing. Cycles where..things go totally fucked up, and I tap into some things that I have a hard time believing- and suddenly I get this opportunity to explore it further. This last time it happened- and I am not bullshitting you: the landlord I had at the time decided not to pay his mortgage, the bank lost the paperwork- and well, we lived rent free for about a year. It didn’t stop there: for some reason or another and this was actually scary as hell, we dropped off of almost other bill, yet…the utilities were still running. When we called about the electric, she said she didn’t understand it, there must have been a mistake somewhere- what looked like a terrifyingly high bill that there was NO way I could pay wasn’t and we went on to pay what they said we owed from there. I was doing some things. I can’t explain what happened, so, I don’t: but, things like this had happened to me in the past- only to return to Shit Land and I was like, “Okay, no, no, THIS TIME, I am going to keep at it. THIS TIME I am going to address my shit and figure things out.” So, I started to, and, lo, opportunity for a stable home to rent- which, as it turns out is pretty much everything I wanted in a home, at a price I could afford popped up. Suddenly- or at least, it really SEEMED sudden but then, upon reflection, it was not: changes I didn’t really expect because I had dropped the expectation, dropped trying to control another: started to happen. Things started coming around in ways that I used to worry over incessantly- but had instead, diverted my attention inward and towards changing ME, and it has been…like, weepy inducing awesome. Still, that isn’t to say there has been no pain, no challenges or delays- there have been. But, because I have taken more time to turn my attention to the one thing I can control- which is me- I was…a hell of a lot better capable of handling it.

Am I saying you’ll be able to have this kind of thing happen to you? Yeah, no. I can’t explain any of it, I have never been able to explain it in the past when things like it have happened and I ignored the damn gentle, nice nudge the universe or whatever was giving me- but, this time, I was like “WAIT WAIT, first off, holy shit, GRATEFUL.” and I acted on that gratitude. My personal belief system offers ways of doing that, I am sure whatever yours is does, too. Agnostics can do it just by feeling more grateful for the good things, Atheists are also quite capable of gratitude, in spite what some people may think and they don’t have to thank gods or the universe: hell, you’d be amazed at what gratitude towards your fellow person will do. Or maybe you won’t- but it does.

Point being- it ain’t necessarily a spiritual thing. For some of us, it is. Some, it isn’t. That’s fine. Impact is…well, more or less the same. Spend all your time moping and grousing about the shit you do not have- you won’t see the good you do. This is where it begins. No matter what planetary retrograde motion- if you aren’t RE-flecting on the good, boy howdy it’s real easy to see all the bad.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU IGNORE THE BAD. In the world or otherwise- if you think for a minute that you’re supposed to clap those hands over your ears and eyes and pretend negative shit does not happen: good luck with that, we call you job security in this business.

It is about balance- and, my personal belief system, again: involves what I believe, I DO. As in, if I have a conviction, I act on it. Live right. I’d have those cycles of good and in the past and it wasn’t until one of them hit back in about 2008 that I started to use them. Without going into every single astrological thing I worked with: the first one, man that was some hell ride inner work. But, I do not EVER for a minute discount the privilege I had…just out of nowhere. When I say out of nowhere- who in the hell gets the opportunity to live on an 80 some odd acre compound in the middle of the woods, rent free? Was it entirely comfortable- no. It was just the right blend of absolutely amazing and “My god, fucking heck.” to do the trick, though. Perfect place for me to address some longstanding inner bullshit that was quite honestly, killing me and had landed me in the nuthouse with the possibility of remaining there. It was a very real possibility and one that people dislike when I talk about it. Makes them uncomfortable. BUT MAH CREDIBILITY- TH’ CRAAAAZIES JUST THINK THEY GOT GIFTS…shoo shoo!

Well, fuck you, too, dishonest narrow minded cowards- because I decided I’d talk about it openly, I also decided more than that: it was IMPORTANT to do so. And I have…I don’t want to say I have never regretted it- because oh, I have. I have spent the bulk of my career with people giving me the long side eyeball: and I don’t much give a shit. Because the private messages, the emails, the feedback from those who could relate- that matters. I am a wounded healer- and I am never going to be ashamed- because I don’t feel anyone who needs healing should be. The various cultures of shame surrounding mental illness in the new age industry, in the paranormal and otherwise is a fat load of shit. In business and marketing, too. EVERYONE has something. Not a one of us is special in this- and that’s a good thing.
The thing of it is, though, they have a point. Sort of. They’re just overzealous and well intended and not really thinking. Self care is a big deal and it is absolutely essential- but, for many of us it is also stressful. Does that make sense?

Gimme a minute-

Here’s where it makes sense: you ever get so bogged down in all you have to do that you end up, florped on the couch or in bed at night and you feel like you haven’t really gotten a damn thing done? You’ve been all chicken with your head off and when you see people talk of self care, you’re like “The hell you say.” And yet, you still feel like you’re treading water, standing still and just plain STUCK?

That’s what I mean. I do that all the time. Work-a-holicism is bad, and worse, it will ultimately stop your growth. This also happens in activism and other things- you just get freaking tired. You’re still going, you’re barely making it, and this foofy talk of self care seems about the most silly thing you’ve ever heard?

Yeah, me, too: but it’s fucking true. Not only that- sometimes, you have to USE YOUR PRIVILEGE. I know people hate that word, a lot of people have a lot of negative association with it and there’s good reason- because, well, you have advantages other people do not. Other people have advantages you don’t. That’s honest to god all it is, regardless of what some overzealous idiot white knight types try to tell you.(Who are, in fact, in the minority, they’re just loud. Stupid and loud.) I will try to steer clear of a rant about that, for now- but many of you know how I feel: it exists, it’s a point of understanding- but: it’s also recognizing the tools you’ve got to work with, and working with them. Reason I point this out is- how many people will have months where they just drop right off the grid and have no bills? I have had this happen more than once. So, for me to stand here and be like “GO INWARD, it’s REALLY all you gotta do!” well, I’m a dick if I don’t tell you I had a major major advantage in doing that.

MOST of these Super Gurus do- and if you look at their shit, you see tropics and you see resorts and you see all these glamorous things: but even with them, you don’t see it all. You see what they want you to. Yet, they almost all drop the damn ball because they present this image that is utterly un-attainable for most- and you sit there going, “Oh that’s all well and good but how in the fuck do I do this when I can’t trot off to fuckin’ Hawaii for a vacation peace get away?”

You do not have to.

Odds are, there was a time they couldn’t, too. I mean, there are a few of them who never had that issue, never worried about the bills or day to day expenses: but, let’s look passed the glossy bullshit and recognize: advantages now or no, everyone’s gotta start somewhere.

Of course, yes, this is really fucking easy for me to say because I had a couple freak incidents that gave me the time and the space I needed- scary as it was to imagine that the bubble would one day burst: I still got that. So, when I say you don’t have to have this space where the bills go away and you get to be undistracted, out in the wilderness for a few years: it might sound fucking glib and if it does, I’m sorry. But that last time, the time where the bills just poofed on me- I started to recognize some things about myself, about how I see money, about my own personal power I had denied. Sorta…well, not the Big Boss Battle, not the pre-big boss battle, but..maybe somewhere close to that point in the game where you know you’re about to beat it but by that point, it’s like “Aw, man, wonder when there’s gonna be a sequel?”

That’s what you can do with these retrograde cycles and the fact that they occur so frequently should be one HUGE freaking tip: it’s all do overs. Every little bit.

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by the emotions or demands of others: pull back a while. You may not wanna be a dick about it, you might- it really depends on the situation. I think one of our biggest problems these days- the New Age Fluffies have it right, but they’re screwing the pooch: there is a LOT of fucking noise. A lot of distractions, a lot of shitty ass things going on, a lot of bullshit. And much of it is self inflicted when you refuse to pull back and take a break.

I am not talking about distancing yourself from the negativity of others in a way that dismisses or downplays their pain and I am not talking about ditching the hurting: you do that, and you’re an asshole. You’re not gonna get enlightened, you’re just gonna be an asshole- and it WILL bounce back and fuck you up. Denial is not positive thinking, nor is selfish shitbag behavior that alienates those you love.

I am talking about ways of distancing yourself temporarily so that you can silence all the noise around you- and so you can lick your wounds. Fill your own cup so you can THEN go on, to share what’s in it with others. This is key, and it doesn’t matter who you are, what you do- you need to do that. And it isn’t easy- hell, I got a house full of responsibility screaming at me pretty much 24/7, all manner of things I am working on and yet: lately, I defend my pullbacks with a ferocity.

People think I am a dick head for it in some cases- but come at me demanding a free reading and you are asking me for a hell of a lot more than throwing down a few cards or looking up some transits. Any time I- or anyone else, for that matter, takes time to explain concepts to you- it’s not just money. It is our time.

But it’s your time, too. Every time you do something for that shit ass who always has his hand out- but never seems to be there when you need it: you’re giving that person parts of your life you aren’t getting back. Time you won’t ever reclaim. The list goes on and on like that- and though now, more than ever it does seem that people are incredibly selfish and narcissistic, moreso than ever- the truth is, a lot of us undervalue not just ourselves, but our time, as well.

It ain’t just charging an hourly, darlin’ and when you do start to look on things in this way- you’re going to notice that, well, there are some things which instant gratification is nice. But the best things, oh no. The best things…take that currency you’re just throwing at bunches of people who do not give a shit.

So, work on that.

Each one of the things at play right now- they will tick different boxes for everyone. They will remind everyone of different things. They will renew you in different ways, too.

I can’t write you some generalized thing to tell you EXACTLY what to do: but, consider the patterns you’re seeing in your life and dig down to the core issue within you it picks AT.

Here’s what I can tell you about all of this-

It often sucks.
It’s often scary.
It often seems as though nothing is really happening, until one day, it does. Then it’s like HOLY CRAP.
Where you are now is not your final destination. Where you were before wasn’t, so why in the hell would it be?
You also have absolutely NO CLUE how far you’ve gone until you turn around and take a peek back- and so, you should. Just don’t look so long you start walking that way again.
It’s fucking worth it.

And finally- while someone like me can in fact, help guide you through some things, you do not really need me telling you what you have to do. You don’t really even need to believe in astrology or whatever- it’s about as simple as taking a look at the recurrent patterns in your life and recognizing those common strands in your tapestry. Where they snag, where they really pop. I said simple, not easy. It’s never easy and I wish it were.

Further, it isn’t just you. Everyone is going through something. That should seem very obvious- but, it often isn’t, when we are in the thick of things: when we are in those shitty headspaces, it’s much easier to believe that everyone’s out to get us. That everything they do is somehow, someway, a personal slight directed at us- and when we act on those feelings, we continue this cycle of shit. Shit begets shit, then that shit begets even more shit.

Instead, think about yourself. Think about the thoughtless things you’ve done in the past- those things where “I didn’t mean it!” came out or maybe should have. While it is important to remember that if I break your leg because I back into you with my car- odds are fairly good “I didn’t mean to!” but that’s not gonna unbreak your damn leg, is it? It’s also important to understand that I probably didn’t back my car into you because I hate you. (Okay, maaaybe. There are some people..I keed, I keed!)

If you take a look at something that’s been done to you- and it’s more than obvious that either a pattern of abusive, shitty behavior is ongoing, or that this chain-o-thoughtlessness continues: well, it’s time for some understanding. That understanding may well be that you do not deserve to be abused, it may well be that you need to be more clear in your expectations of others. Either way- it does begin with you. (ZERO victim blaming on the abuse scenarios- those are some terrifying realizations and beginnings. The understanding being: you do not have to take it.)

So, to close this rambling ass missive, the way that you will not just survive these retrogrades- and every single cycle thereafter when it seems as though everything spirals out of your control and shit is hitting every fan in your life?

Start with the one thing you can control: you.

And do not apologize for having to silence the noise outside for a while.

What in the Planetary bullshit is going on?

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(feels a bit like this right? I know it does for me)


Recently while going through my own personal hell, I’ve had others reach out to me that are having the very same emotions I’ve been experiencing. There are some quite painful shifts going on for everyone at current. The first thing to remember is that Uranus that has been in Aries is still in place and will be until next year. This is the portion that always brings about random stuff, situations, and people into or out of your life.

Now lets bring Venus in Aries in retrograde into the mix. Venus deals with finances and love typically. Well while she’s in retrograde, she’s trying to force you to be grateful for what you already have while trying to purge you of any toxins you still have in your life. If you won’t do it yourself, she will push the issue and make sure it happens. Venus is typically loving and gentle but when she is heading backwards (retrograde), she’s trying to make sure you’re doing what is right for your heart.

Whether it’s your finances, career, or relationships; are you doing right by yourself? If not, it’s time to figure out what you can do to do what you needs to happen. So she’s like a gentle mother nudging you to learn to take care of yourself. Venus will go direct on April 15th and start to move forward again. Just keep in mind the shadow period that is a bit like a ripple in the water that can last up to 2 weeks after.

Finally, we bring in the mix of Mercury retrograde also. Are we in it? Not technically until April 9th. Rest assured though, we ARE in the shadow period which means we’re already feeling the retrograde effect. April 9th is around the corner so you may as well accept it. In any event, I’ve explained before that Mercury is the one that forces you to do some heavy thinking.

This is where you start worrying about things, wondering if you’re doing the right thing, perhaps over analyzing things and making you feel quite emotional. With Mercury in Aries, you feel like you need to do something but at the same time feel helpless as though you just cannot move. It’s all normal. While Mercury will help you figure things out; you’ll need to tolerate the temporary discomforts that this transit can bring with it. Mercury goes direct May 3rd.

So we’ve got that pile going but we’ve also got the mighty Saturn in Sagittarius that will also be going retrograde on April 5th. Again, we’re in the shadow period so you may as well accept that it’s more or less in action as is. Saturn in Sagittarius makes you do major soul searching. Sagittarius wants freedom to do as it pleases yet Saturn is basically saying “you cannot do that right now, you must plan and wait a bit longer”.  Saturn will remain there until August 24th when she finally goes direct.

Anything you plan for your future will have to happen after August. The funny part though… (ok not really that funny but..)  Uranus, the master of randomness and surprises goes retrograde on August 2nd until January 3rd. The best thing I can recommend to you here is to accept that anything can happen at any time and it’s always best to be prepared.

If you worry about money, make sure you’re paying your debts and putting some extra into savings. If you need to, take up a second job and put that money away. If you’re concerned about love, try to do some meditation and figure out if you need to change situations or focus on yourself for awhile until things change again.

These are all some rough transitions. It’s a bit like putting your life in a blender and waiting to see how it will all turn out when it’s finished it’s churning cycle. The best you can do for yourself is exercise, eat healthy, meditate then meditate some more. By doing this, you keep yourself healthy and you are able to center yourself. Centering yourself leads you to finding solutions to any problems that may exist in your life.

Of course as always, if you’d like to find out where all of these transits more specifically, please feel free to email me for my rates. I’m more than happy to help you as I too am on the same journey and bumpy road you are. Sending you all my love. Feel free to share my article with anyone you think may need it. Thank you!


~Jen Devillier~